News Fix # 47: Run your own race

I'm back with your weekly news fix, and I'm happy we're in this together. If you're new here, welcome! Get in touch anytime; I would love to hear from you.

I ran almost every day for years. Actually, it was almost three decades. I made exceptions for thunderstorms, truly bitter cold, or unsafe heat. Only after I got delusional with heat exhaustion a second time did that last one make the list.

There was something compulsive about my running habit, that’s for sure. But it was more talismanic than anything. I know it was running—the discipline, my coaches, the other girls on my team—that helped me get out of my farm town after high school and into a life I chose. I was superstituous things might fall apart if I stopped.

And then I just quit. It was almost seven years ago, and I had no regrets. I didn’t second-guess myself even once. I just finally stopped believing it was running that was holding me together. Or maybe it just wasn't true anymore.

We all have these crutches that both serve and undermine us.

I'm telling you about mine because I can't deliver what I was hoping to this week, and I decided not to push through. Last week I was lucky enough to travel to Vienna, Austria (I know!) for a conference. It was incredible and well worth the jet lag. But the jet lag is kicking my ass. The writing I've been working on for you this week isn't where I want it to be.

I started running again a little two years ago. Since I moved to Philly I've been committed to running about three miles three days a week and no more. This is tremendous progress for me. It's just the amount I want to be running. I no longer care if I'm going fast. I don't sign up for races anymore because, actually, I hate racing! I just feel grateful my body can run, and I like being outside as the sun rises. This is my version of chill.

But old habits die hard.

On my run this morning, I was perseverating about how to land the plane on these ideas about news and democracy. And while I was thinking about it, I passed a man running in the other direction. It was close to the spot where I always turn around and start heading back home. When this man and I passed each other, I automatically started speeding up. Afraid he might also be turning around at my spot and that he might pass me I pushed myself for about 50 yards before my brain started processing rational thoughts. I was not racing this man. I'm not racing anybody.

It's been years since I've heard my high school coach's voice in my head. “Run your own race,” he used to tell us all the time. This morning I heard it again. Thank you, Mr. Walters.

I want us working in news to move more coherently together. I want us to move more quickly and to go in the same direction. I get impatient with myself and with everyone and everything else. Change is slower than I want it to be. But we're all running our own races. Oftentimes we're running more than one.

I'm going to take another week to get these ideas together and respond to your thoughtful comments and ideas. Take care of yourself this week. Pace yourself!